Six Vintage Cars Guaranteed To Repel Women


Perhaps you’ve read something lately about how cool vintage cars are these days. To which I say: Take it with a grain of salt.

Just because you’re cruising around in something old doesn’t necessarily mean you’re fly. Au contraire, mon frère. Some contraptions–despite their elite provenance and six-figure price tags–will do you no favors in the image department, at least with the fairer sex.

Take these six set to go on sale next week at the Concorso d’Eleganza Villa d’Este in Cernobbio, Italy. I dare you to defend them.

1980 Lamborghini Athon – This 260hp five-speed manual concept is completely topless–it has neither a hard- nor a rag-top, which is fitting because it’s named after an Egyptian sun cult. Its forward-set cabin and long deck are proportioned oddly for a spider, which makes it look even more weird. The taillights are nothing more than thin grooves so as not to mess up the solid appearance of the car. Estimated price: $310,000.

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1978 Lancia Sibilo – This thing gets 190hp from a V8 mid-mounted engine, but those are about the only conventional things about it. Named after the Italian for the hissing sound objects make as they travel through air, the Sibilo has no drop-down windows, and its bumpers are totally integrated into the overall shape. The steering wheel is a one-piece disk, and the body is hand-beaten steel with polycarbonate windows–apparently a glass supplier couldn’t deliver in time for the car’s debut. They should have waited. Estimated price: $140,000.

1974 Lamborghini Bravo – Made as a two-seat, V8 alternative to the 2+2 Urraco, the Bravo is 20 inches shorter than its counterpart, with a significantly smaller engine. The car seems at once sharp-edged and flat, with a snub-nosed hood and cartoon-y wheels with five round holes in them. Pop-up front lights, a three-quarter wrapping windshield and divots in the hood make it distinctive, to say the least. Like most of these machines, it never made it to production. Estimated price: $310,000.

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1963 Chevrolet Testudo – The meaning of its name–a Latin root for the word turtle–should tell you something about this 81hp flat-six-cylinder Chevy. It was a one-off design from Giorgetto Giugiaro, who went on to design some great things (BMW M1, Maserati Quattroporte) but this somehow missed that touch of genius. The sharp waistline divides the car horizontally into two (turtle-shell, anyone?), and the huge nose, pop-up headlights and lazy rear don’t do it any favors. But I always love a targa roof–and this has the ultimate: a completely wrapped glass shell that lifts up and forward as one unit when you want to leave the car. Estimated price: $1.1 million.

1970 Lancia Stratos HF Zero – This 115hp prototype was designed at the apex of a design rivalry between Bertone and Pininfarina (Bertone had done the Alfa Romeo Carabo, Pininfarina the P5 and 512S berlinetta). Nuccio Bertone debuted the Stratos HF, nicknamed “Zero,” at the Turin Motor Show in 1970; it’s supposed to look chiseled from solid rock. Design cues include dual exhaust pipes, a mesh grille, 84 tiny bulbs comprising the tail light, and seats that looked like they were upholstered with chocolate bars. At its highest point, Zero sits only 33 inches off the ground. Estimated price: $2.5 million.
1915 Rolls-Royce 40/50 Silver Ghost Limousine – Admittedly this is a beautiful car in its own old-timey way. But even Johnny Depp would have trouble getting women into this thing. It’s a paltry 50hp and upholstered in a stuffy button-tufted leather, with beige carpets and curtains inside. The auction catalog notes that “this car has seen limited exercise. RM strongly advises the successful bidder carry out a thorough service before driving the car on the open road.” Which means don’t even think about driving this thing. Which means you might as well have no wheels at all. Need I say more? Estimated price: $1 million.

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One response to this post.

  1. These six vintage cars have a historic story. I didn’t know about this info. Most of the info I knew for the first time. This article is very good. I will visit for more update. Thanks for allocation 🙂

    Reply

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